


Everybody Ships Trixya

by artificialmac



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, but they dont, or do they..., talk about getting together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-21 11:26:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10684356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialmac/pseuds/artificialmac
Summary: Trixie suggests that she and Katya date, and Katya gives her all the reasons they shouldn’t.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (Also, there is a lot of seeing into Katya’s mind, and those parts are all italicised)

They were lying in the hotel bed upside down. Correction. Katya was laying upside down on Trixie’s hotel bed. Trixie was currently sitting in the desk chair, swiveling this way and that, as she scrolled through her social media. They had been talking about something unimportant a moment earlier, Katya could really remember what because all of a sudden Trixie spoke.

“Everyone thinks we are fucking.”

Katya rolls her head to the side to look at Trixie. “You just now realized that?”

“No, but I mean like our actual friends think we would be good together.”

“I mean…they aren’t wrong.” Katya teases. _Well they aren’t. _She thinks.__

__Trixie looks up from her phone, eyes wide with an idea. “We should date.”_ _

__Katya sits up suddenly, all the blood rushes to her face and head. “What?”_ _

__Trixie is sitting up in the chair still, looking at Katya with the calmest expression on her face. “We should date.” A needle flings off the record of Katya’s thought process._ _

__“Are you drunk?”_ _

__“No. I just think…” Trixie searched for an answer. “I just think that maybe everybody sees something that we don’t.” _People really need to mind their own business. _____

____“What are you talking about?” Katya was starting to get nervous now, she wasn’t sure what Trixie was suggesting, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to either._ _ _ _

____“Well our fans are always saying that you look at me a certain way.”_ _ _ _

____“Like what? People say I look at you with a lovesick expression in my eyes?” _Well yeah I do, but she doesn’t need to know that. _____ _ _

______“Well, yeah. That is exactly what people say.” _Shit. _Katya needs to derail this conversation quickly before something comes out.___ _ _ _ _ _

________“Why are you putting so much stock into what these people say? They are strangers. They don’t know us personally. They are given such small pieces of information about our lives that they can’t possibly truly know us.” Trixie nods slowly, as if considering this idea. “Besides, I think I’d know if I were in love with you.” _I do, and I am. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I guess you are right.” Trixie broke their eye contact to settle her gaze on the floor. Katya breathed in a sigh of relief, and mentally brushed sweat from her brow. “But we would be good together wouldn’t we?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Katya groaned and flung her head back down on the bed. Why Trixie was so insistent on making this hard on Katya, she didn’t know. Katya didn’t want to talk about this. She didn’t need the reminder that her feelings weren’t, and never would be reciprocated; she heard that enough from Trixie as it is. Katya had prided herself at being really good at hiding her feelings, but clearly not well enough since they were apparently still having this conversation._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Honestly, I don’t know Trixie. I haven’t really thought about it much.” _That was a lie. I have thought about it nearly every night since I met you. I thought about how good to you I would be, and how right we are for each other, but I never said anything because I know you. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You haven’t?” Trixie asked incredulously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“You have?” Katya asked even more incredulously._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Well yeah.” For the second time that night Katya’s thoughts flew out the window. “Don’t you imagine marrying all your friends at some point?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Yeah, but you don’t ever admit it to them, or to anyone for that matter.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Ah well.” Trixie shrugged and didn’t even have the gall to be embarrassed, and Katya mentally cursed her for it. “When I thought about us together we were great. You know we get along so well and I feel that I could tell you anything. I don’t see how we couldn’t work.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Katya’s heart was beating a mile a minute and she was on the verge of admitting something she had worked hard to conceal for the past few years. She sighed mentally at what she knew she had to do. She had to convince Trixie that she was the worst person ever to date, and that they couldn’t ever be happy together. Katya had to effectively ruin her chance of ever being with the person she truly loved, for the sake of that person._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Trixie didn’t love her. Not in the way that Katya so desperately craved. It was obvious in everything that she did. Trixie loved Katya as a best friend, but Katya knew Trixie well enough by now to know that Trixie is prone to suggestion. Katya knew, that with time, this seed of thought Trixie kept bringing up, would manifest into true emotions._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________That is exactly what you want though Katya, isn’t it? _You might say. But no. See, because Katya knows Trixie well enough to know that if, and that is a big if, Trixie ever loved her, she would never admit it. Trixie would let it eat at her until she was sick. She would do exactly what Katya is doing now.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Their thought processes are very similar, that is probably why they work so well together._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Katya physically sighed this time. “You don’t want to date me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Won’t you let me decide that for myself.” Trixie said this so intently and full of emotion that Katya’s heart actually skipped a beat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I snore.” Katya blurted out._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Trixie looked at her, and Katya looked back and for a moment everything was dead silent._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Then they both burst into a fit of laughter at the same time. Trixie even had to wipe a tear away at one point. “Oh well, there goes that then. Guess I can’t date you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Gee darn.” Katya giggled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“But really.” The playful aura in the room was suddenly and quite violently replaced with one that was thick with tension. Katya felt her stomach drop at the eye contact Trixie was so intent on holding._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I snore and I have terrible hygiene.” Katya offered up as another excuse._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I’ll buy you a toothbrush, and I sleep like the dead anyway.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I’m terrible at communication. I leave my phone off for hours at a time.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I’ll change the settings so you can’t.” Trixie was standing up now, and was slowly making her way over to Katya. The tone in her voice wasn’t teasing or playful anymore, and she had a look in her eyes that took Katya’s breath away with the sincerity it held._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I’m not good at talking about my emotions. I am heartless and cruel a lot of the time.” Katya stood up too now, and was moving away from Trixie; the younger queen just kept advancing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Now that is just not true.” Katya’s back hit a wall, and she could feel Trixie’s breath hot on her face. They were so _close _. Katya’s heart was in her stomach. Trixie was centimeters away at this point, and moving closer with each passing second. Every fiber of Katya’s body was screaming _yes _, but her head, ever the reasonable one, screamed louder than the rest of them._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“I can’t stop smoking.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________Trixie stopped at that. Her eyes flew open and she retracted her head just enough to meet Katya’s eyes. In that moment, Katya knew she had done it. That was the one thing Trixie wouldn’t be able to get past. She had known it; maybe that is why she had saved it until now. Trixie valued her too much to see Katya slowly kill herself._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________“You really don’t want to be with me do you?” _If you only knew. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Trixie backed away entirely now, clearly hurt. Katya wanted to reach out and pull the younger queen into her arms, as she had done so many times before, but she knew she couldn’t, not now. Trixie grabbed her bag from the floor and headed for the door, but just before she left, she glanced back at Katya, who was still leaning heavily on the wall for support. Her expression was full of something Katya couldn’t quite place, and the sad smile that followed it felt like a punch in the gut._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________The door shut quietly behind her, and Katya could finally breathe again, although she wasn’t so sure she wanted to._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. (Not) Everybody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie realises what Katya was doing the last time they spoke, and endeavors to finally address the elephant in the room.

“You always think too much about these things.”

“How would you know?”

“Because I know you Katya. I know you so incredibly well that it scares you sometimes.” _It scares me sometimes. ___

__“You don’t.” Katya said defensively._ _

__“I do. You know I do.” Trixie wasn’t going to fight Katya. There was enough fighting in the world. No, she was going to be upfront and honest about this mess, and she sought to convey this by her voice, tender and open._ _

__“Why are you doing this? Why now?”_ _

__For the first time since she had entered the room, Trixie was at a loss. Truth be told, she didn’t know why, only that she _had _to. She had thought about it every night since ’The altercation,’ as she had dubbed it in her mind. The first few nights she beat herself up mentally until she was bloody and bruised beyond recognition. How could she let her control, the only thing that had kept her going for all these years, slip away so easily? She had been so protective of her heart that she hardly recognized it anymore. But that night she had thrown down all her walls. Maybe it was the way Katya’s head had hung off the bed in a way that couldn’t be comfortable. Or the goofy smile on her face. Trixie would never know why, only that she chose that moment to put her heart on the line. The aftermath was painful and hurt more than she cared to admit.___ _

____Until she realized what was going on._ _ _ _

____Katya was purposefully driving her away. The older queen was making it easier for Trixie to walk away, so as not to get hurt. The moment she realized what had happened, her heart leapt out of her chest, and her body followed suit. Trixie doesn’t remember getting into her car, or any of the streets she took, or even the way Katya looked at her when she first opened the door. Only the sound of her heart beating in her ears, and backing Katya up against the nearest wall so she could hear it too._ _ _ _

____“You’d don’t want this.”_ _ _ _

____“Stop telling me what you think I want to hear.”_ _ _ _

____Katya’s mouth shut instantly at that._ _ _ _

____Then it opened._ _ _ _

____And closed once more._ _ _ _

____Trixie took her chance. “I love you.”_ _ _ _

____Katya’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean that.”_ _ _ _

____“I love you.”_ _ _ _

____“Trixie don’t say that.”_ _ _ _

____“I love you.”_ _ _ _

____“You can’t.” Katya was becoming more and more distressed, looking anywhere but into Trixie’s eyes._ _ _ _

____“I love you.” Trixie pushed forward; she was so close to breaking down Katya’s walls, and she clearly wasn’t the only one who knew it._ _ _ _

____“Please stop.” They were just as close as they had been all those weeks ago. Trixie could feel Katya’s labored breath on her cheeks, and a sense of deja vu made Katya’s stomach flip. She knew this time it wouldn’t be so easy to get Trixie to back away._ _ _ _

____Trixie leaned impossibly closer and this time whispered against Katya’s lips. “I love you.”_ _ _ _

____One last glance up to Katya’s eyes and Trixie knew she’d won._ _ _ _

____Katya simultaneously surged up, and sunk back into the wall as their lips met. Trixie felt, more than saw her large exhale, as if all this time she had been holding her breath. _Maybe she had been. _God knows Trixie has been doing the same since the day she met Katya. But now, now that they had finally broken what felt like years of tension, Trixie felt like she can breathe again. (Well, not currently, since Katya is practically sucking the air out of her, but you get the idea.)___ _ _ _

______Finally, Trixie pulled away, although for a split second, she swore she felt Katya pout at the loss. The older queen still had her eyes closed, as if wanting to cherish the feel, but Trixie needed to look at her, needed to see if Katya was feeling all the same things she was, so Trixie placed a hand on her cheek. The touch jolted Katya out of whatever trance she had been in, and revealed the blue orbs that Trixie noticed somehow seemed brighter this close up._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I love you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Katya finally, _finally _, allowed herself to smile. And what a smile it was. Her lips curved up the sides of the walls, and her teeth filled in the plaster; her smile took up the entire room. Trixie always thought Katya looked beautiful when she smile, but this was new. This pure unbridled joyful smile that was usually reserved for performances, was now turned on her. Trixie couldn’t believe her luck.___ _ _ _ _ _

________She couldn’t stop herself from tracing that smile with her own lips, punctuating each kiss with an “I love you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________For Katya, each time those words were said, she felt like it was a punch in the gut, but not so unpleasant that you doubled over in pain, just that there was a solid feel of being a bit sick._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She stopped Trixie a moment later, mind racing a mile a minute. All her mental issues and worries she had came rushing back. _You aren’t good enough for Trixie, no one is. _Her mind taunted. But rather than succumb, as she had done so many times before, Katya stood firm this time, there was just too much to lose.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“But I can sure as hell try.” Katya spoke aloud to the voices. Trixie gave her a strange look, but Katya’s smile was back, which helped quell her nerves a bit._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I love you too.“_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
